It's The Time!

When I reached this year, thinking of my age will be turning to 20 years old in less than five month, well, not gonna call as teenager anymore, how sad. No, my age might be old but not my brain, my thought, my expectation, etc etc etc.. Still need help in whatever i am doing. Need a guidance to guide me to the right way. 

In this age, I admit you that I did not learn a lot. I played around, I am stupid because I do mistake for so many times. I didn't learn from it and do not take it as a lesson to myself. My reputation in this age are not so good and it can't be proud. I did nothing to my family, I didn't bring any good to them, shame on me! I am the blackship of them all. I am so far behind my siblings, they are too good to me and I've no strength to chasing them. I get myself mirror for me to see myself from head to toe, I'm so terrible and worst than ever on this earth. the bad creatures of me :( 

've no good looking, ugly smile, dark skin color, can't cook, bad result in examination, useless brain, passive, not even creative, dull, love to procrastination and everything is bad, too bad of me.

Everyone got their goals to achieve and same goes to me, I got my ambitions to feasible. But, how do I do to make my every dream to become true? instead of sitting and waiting, I must get my ass off from this bed and do something worth to achieve everything to change my life to be better. "Do Not Afraid of Changes" that's the key of success. But, how many people can stand by this words? its easy to apply, it easy! how? How to make if the laziness conquered yourselves? 

Well, I am a young girl who still crying every night as a baby need a bottle of milk. And I need someone to show me to do that and this. Need a direction of my life so that am not lost myself at anywhere. I cried myself every night before i sleep just thinking of my sad life. I need a changes to make my life to be easy and happy and someone to colors my life to look cloudless, instead of someone keep bother to take everything i love. 

To make a changes, I have to set up my mind. grab the chance! Yes, i have too. throw away the bad habits such as delaying my chores to be done, procrastinate my assignment until the dateline. How? until you realize this is reality of student and daughter. Until you know this is your responsible as a student and daughter. 

I am far behind the successful person. How to be like them, educated one. I pray to The Almighty to give me a strong heart to through every sadness and to guide me in the right path, bring me smart brain as well to study. i dont know did He hear my request because I didn't see any changes so far. 

I wish my dream will come true sooner or later, I will patiently waiting because i know it is worth wait for. I don't care if this is the saddest thing of my life, I know people perfectly imperfect. Everyone got their weakness, so do I. keep on smile even it is fake but you have to accept the smiling depression of everyone due to cover up the sadness. Forcing myself to smile to hiding the sadness because smile may derive from happiness. Just smile cause nobody gonna know!!